


Mummy

by Rexxy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Babysitting, Comedy, M/M, for shame Remus, trying to use flirting as a distraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 03:27:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6687313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rexxy/pseuds/Rexxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry learns his first word, but how is Remus going to keep it from Lily that he heard it first?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mummy

“Alright, so we’ll be back by 9 at the latest, make sure you-“

“Yes, we know Lily. You’ve explained in excruciating detail what we need to do and what to do if anything goes wrong. Honestly, it’s as if you don’t trust us.” Remus looked over to Sirius, in a ridiculous hope of finding the man having a mature conversation with Lily’s husband, only to find him with James in a headlock under his right arm. Remus sighed and turned back to Lily, who was clearly trying to hide a smirk. “Okay, I see your point, but at least you’ve got me. He can’t even speak yet, Lils, I doubt he can be influenced by Sirius to go burning down the neighbourhood he’ll be fine. I’ll look after him. Besides, I’ve managed to keep Sirius alive so far.”

“Hey!” Came Sirius voice, as he sauntered to the pair. “I am not a baby, and I’m really easy to look after.”

“You’re extremely high maintenance. I have to plait your hair on a night after you shower so it’s wavy in the morning.”

“Not every night. Sometimes there are more important things to do, like y-“

“Okay let’s not have any of that in front of my little Harry.” James laughed and ruffled Harry’s out of control hair, making him giggle and squirm in Remus’ arms.

“Come on Prongs. He’s far too young to even understand what’s going on. Besides, when I father Remus’ child, I’ll have considered this as practice, so know that I’ll treat your baby like I’d treat my own.”

“That’s not a comforting thought, and Remus can’t get pregnant.”

Sirius smirked and James then realised he’d said exactly what Sirius wanted him to say. Sirius’ face then took on an expression of mock surprise as he rubbed Remus’ stomach sadly. “Really? But we’ve been trying so hard.”

“I walked right into it.”

“Only like 7 times, we try to be discreet.”

“Oh man can you not bring that up I still get nightmares.”

“I’m not surprised, remember that one time we were in the great hall and you were like ‘where’s Remus?’ and then felt a nudge on your leg and looked under the table and saw-“ Remus pushed Sirius’ hand away and coughed to make Sirius stop talking.

“Right, yes, well it’s all behind us now, isn’t it? So, how about we just don’t talk about it again ever? Sounds like a plan to me. Great. So, Lily, James please enjoy your night out and we’ll see you later. You better go before you miss your reservation.”

James laughed and smiled at Sirius. “Got yourself a keeper there mate, keep you in check he will.”

“Mmm, I hope so. I prefer the punishments though. This one time-“

“Okay so we’ll see you at nine. Bye Harry, mummy and daddy will be back soon, we love you!” James then lead Lily out the door and to their muggle taxi so they could go on their first date for months. Remus shut the door behind them and sat on the couch, Harry still in his arms. 

“You know Remus, we should get him a little broom for his next birthday.”

“That’s a terrible idea, Lily would shove it down your throat.”

“It’s not as if I don’t have things shoved down my throat often…” Sirius had walked up behind the couch and leaned in to talk to Remus quietly, his breath ghosting over Remus’ ear and making it tingle.

“Sirius, I am holding a child right now. Stop trying to- just stop what you’re doing.”

“But Remus… I can’t help it if my voice turns you on.”

“It didn’t used to. You’ve conditioned me with all that talking during sex. Even then you won’t shut up.”

“Well, how about a fresh round of conditioning right now, hm? Just put Harry in his cot to sleep and I’ll go and wait for you in the bedroom, yeah?”

“Sirius you can’t just-“ Remus tried to argue but found that Sirius had already ran off, effectively, if not extremely childishly, cutting Remus off. Sighing, he cuddled Harry closer to his chest and started rocking him. “So, Harry, what do say to going to sleep for Uncle Moony, hm? I wouldn’t leave you if it was my choice. It’s that big bad Uncle Padfoot! Absolutely terrible he is, I swear!” 

Harry smiled tiredly at Remus, the rocking having it’s desired effect. He reached up and grabbed one of Remus curls in his little chubby hand and pulled, making Remus lower his head with the hand, but not telling him off, hoping that he would let go when he fell asleep anyway. He then pointed at Remus with his other little finger and said softly, “mummy?”

Remus whipped his head back up, wincing as his hair was pulled out of the surprisingly tight grip, and making Harry whine at the loss of something soft to grab. “No, no, no Harry. I’m not your mummy, Lily is your mummy. I’m uncle moony, okay?” Remus tried to reason with the child.

Harry stared at him blankly for a few moments, then smiled widely and gripped Remus face. “Mummy!” 

Remus didn’t want to tell Harry he was wrong, because he didn’t want to discourage him from speaking, but if Lily found out that Remus was the one to witness his first word, and that the first time he said “mummy” he directed it at Remus, there would be hell to pay. But, if he didn’t tell Harry off for calling him that, then he would continue to do so every time he saw him, most likely. But, if he could just wait until Lily and James came back then Harry would say it to them and the whole crisis could be averted. There was just one small problem…

“Remus! What’s taking so long? It’s been like a whole ten minutes, I’m waiting here.” Sirius emerged from their bedroom wearing only a pair of tight boxers and one of Remus’ work shirts, because he knew it drove Remus crazy when he wore his clothes. He then sauntered up behind Remus and rested his head on his shoulder, looking down at Harry. Remus was praying that the boy would just stay quiet, because Sirius would never let it go if he knew Harry thought Remus was his mother. 

“I’m trying to get him to go to sleep. Just go back to bed, love. I’ll be there as soon as he nods off, I swear.” Remus told Sirius sweetly, placing a quick chaste kiss on his lips and bucking him off so he would just go away before everything turned to shit. Sirius nodded and accepted the answer then started walking back to bedroom. He barely got halfway, however, before he heard Harry give a sweet little giggle.

“Mummy!” Right, there’d be no living with him after this.

“Moony did he just call you-“

“What? Padfoot don’t so ridiculous he can’t talk its all just gurgles. Whatever you thought you heard you probably didn’t hear, okay?” Remus said it all a bit too quickly and suspiciously for Sirius to just let it go.

“Are you sure because I’m pretty certain that-“

“Well, you’re wrong.”

Sirius just shrugged and smirked, making Remus stupidly think he’d actually won this one, until Sirius walked back over and plucked Harry from his arms, cradling him against his chest. For a second, Remus forgot all about his dilemma, and just enjoyed watching Sirius be so caring with Harry and bounce him up and down slightly. It reminded him of how soft and loving Sirius could be… But the moment was then obviously crushed to pieces when Sirius pointed at Remus and smiled mischievously at him before saying, “Who’s that?” to which Harry gleefully replied “Mummy!”

Remus sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Why do these things happen to me? What have I ever done to deserve this?”

“Aww don’t worry Mummy Moony, me and Harry love you just the way you are!” Sirius laughed and placed a kiss on Remus’ cheek, pushing Harry to his other cheek to copy his actions. When Sirius pulled away with Harry, he had a sly grin on his face, which automatically made Remus nervous. “I’m going to tell James, he’ll think it’s hilarious. I’ll show them when they get back, what do you think, Harry?”

Harry just stared at him in childlike innocence then looked back at Remus and repeated that word over and over again, making Sirius laugh and egg Harry on ever more.

“Right, that’s it. You’re both being ridiculous and I won’t stand here and be ridiculed by a 9 month old and a baby.” And with that he turned down the corridor and stormed to his and Sirius’ room, hoping Sirius would follow. If he could distract him for long enough then maybe Lily and James would get back and Harry would call Lily mummy instead. It was a long shot but it’s all he could think of on such short notice. Luckily, and predictably, Sirius followed Remus into the room, but unluckily, brought Harry with him. That was that plan ruined then, or was it? 

“C’mon mummy, you can’t be mad at Daddy for something so trivial. And Baby Harry agrees too, he hates seeing his mummy upset, don’t you?” Remus then watched as Harry and Sirius forced faces of mock hurt, clearly something Harry had picked up being around his godfather too much, and his heart almost exploded but he just couldn’t let Sirius win. He couldn’t take away this moment from Lily and James. With a sweet smile, he stepped towards Sirius and placed a hand on the hip Harry wasn’t balanced on and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“I know something that could cheer me up…” He nibbled the bottom of Sirius jaw and placed soft kisses along his jaw line and down his neck, stopping at the spot he knew drove Sirius crazy and nipped it slightly, making Sirius supress a moan and push Remus away, who stepped back looking affronted. “What was that for?”

“Honestly Remus, I’m holding a baby! I know you’re desperate for it but please calm your libido for just one second.”

At this, Remus felt himself start to get annoyed so he could start an argument then stopped and decided it wasn’t worth it. “You’re right I’m sorry. I’ll calm my libido. I really will, in fact, I don’t think I’ll need to be using it for the next month or so.” And with that, he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. 

He then sat down in his favourite arm chair and waited for a grand total of 3 minutes before… “Moony you can’t be serious!” Sirius came running down the hall, Harry bouncing up and down as they ran. “I was just kidding are you actually not go to… for a month?! I can’t survive that long! What if I die tomorrow, hm? I’ll have died knowing that the man I have pledged my life to didn’t want me to make love to him!”

Remus took a deep breath, and tried to hold his laughter at Sirius’ dramatics, instead choosing to take things further. “Oh, but I’m deadly serious. And, just for assuming I wasn’t, we’re going to go two months. I should be thanking little Harry, shouldn’t I? Without him I wouldn’t have been able to bring about this new found celibacy.”

Sirius took a second to catch on then he whined, “Really, Moony? This is all because I was going to tell Lily Harry called you Mummy? Well, if I don’t tell her, what’s in it for me?” Sirius smirked at Remus, who would have gladly played along if Harry had not still been right there. Instead, he walked over to his husband and kissed him softly, before going back to Sirius neck were he left off, and bit down on that one place, making Sirius close his eyes and tilt his head to the side, gasping quietly. 

It was of course at this point that James came bursting through the door without so much as knocking and pointed at them accusingly. “I told you Lily! I told you they would be corrupting him!” Remus just chuckled and turned to James, shaking his head.

“Yes, James. We were planning on corrupting your child by kissing each other like every other normal couple. I’m sure he’s seen you kiss Lily loads of times!”

“Yeah, but he hasn’t seen me biting her erogenous zones!” Remus looked a little shocked for a minute and shot an accusing glare at Sirius who just shrugged. “Oh, yeah I know what you were doing. You think that I wasn’t forced to listen to ‘oh my god James and he just kissed and sucked this once spot here and it was positively orgasmic!’” James said in a scarily accurate imitation of Sirius.

“Hey, I never said orgasmic, that’s a horrid word! And don’t you go complaining, I know more about the female anatomy than any gay man should thanks to you! I swear to all that it good and proper, you and Lily are the kinkiest couple in the room, and I’m here!”

James failed to keep his laugh in at that and then both him and Sirius were of in fits of giggles, every now and again spouting out memories of their escapades and laughing even harder. Lily walked in a few minutes later, having been left to pay the taxi driver while James had bounded to the flat. “Hey, Remus. Sorry we’re back so early it’s just that James was worried. Not that you hadn’t looked after him, but he’s been talking about Harry all day and-“

“Mummy!”

Lily and Remus’ attention were drawn to the baby, still in Sirius arms while his laughter died down. Lily smiled widely and ran to Harry, picking him up and kissing his cheek. “That’s right, sweetheart. Your first word, I’m so proud! James, we need to get home right away so we can get the camera and record it. I’ll see you later Sirius, Remus, I don’t mean to be in a rush but you know it’s a monumental time for a parent. James, come on!” Lily shouted the last parts as she was already heading to the floo. James looked if anything relieved which was odd, unless…

Remus smiled widely and patted James on the back. “He called you mummy first, didn’t he?”

James looked surprised. “How did you know?”

“Werewolf senses.” Sirius snorted at that, and Remus shot him a glare. “I promise I won’t tell her, see you later, Prongs.”

“You too, Moony, and you Padfoot.”

And then they were all gone in Lily’s haste. For a second Remus and Sirius just stood there, looking at the fireplace where the other little family had floo’d home and then they turned towards each other.

“Right, now that the little trouble maker is out of the way, how about we get down to it, hm?”

“Whatever you say, mummy…”

“Well there goes my night along with all of my sexual attraction towards you. Goodnight Pads.”

“Wait Moony I take it back! Please, I really don’t think I can last a full month!”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :)


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